Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.