Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Today`s the day I like to sneak onto the intercom at Walmart and say "would Jason Voorhees please report to aisle 13."
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
A 5 year old asked me what marriage is like. So I gave him a chocolate bar and told him not to eat it.