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The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Please, lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won`t spoil me!
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you`re hot.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
Gone insane. Be back Tuesday.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
Oops, I must have put my personalities on "shuffle"