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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
The only dates I get are updates.
Sorry but if these walls could talk I`m pretty sure they`d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you`re blowing out of proportion.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...
At least a stalker is there for you.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.