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Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
I may be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
A 6-month wait when filing for divorce, but only a 15-day wait when buying a gun. I think the solution for relationship problems is clear.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?