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I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
Applebees is a word that starts off pretty tame but takes a dangerous twist
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
You never know what you have until you clean your room.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.