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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
Some of my friendships are bad for my liver.
Friends are like condoms… they protect you when things get hard.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.