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I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Shout out to all the girls who don`t have to dress half naked to get a mans attention. Stay classy! And the rest of you come with me.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.