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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
Facebook needs a "slap a b!tch button"
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.