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I wish my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
How many selfies does it take to get to the center of attention?
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Why do people ask "What were you thinking?" Obviouly, I thought I was going to get away with it!
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!