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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Acting like a mature adult is super easy if you hate having fun.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.