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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.