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keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
The trick is to not let people know how weird you really are until its too late for em to back out
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
Warning!! Today I will be coloring OUTSIDE the lines..
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. “…you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave…”
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.