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I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone`s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
So much to do and so few alibis.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.