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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
I`m beginning to think the only reason I buy bananas is to watch them die a painful death on my counter.
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
"Let the chips fall where they may." -My kids when they`re eating chips on the couch.
Flight 370, proven harder to find then the G spot :-/
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?