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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
It doesn’t matter how many signs I put up around the office, HR said high five a co-worker in the face with a shovel day isn’t a thing.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.