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Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
Last night, I fell asleep with one of those new e-cigarettes in my mouth. I woke up half an hour later & my whole apartment was on the internet.