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It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?