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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Blood moon, shooting stars....I gotta move to a safer galaxy
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.