Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
Life is too short to be angry and hold grudges. Just slap them in the face and move on!
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
The guy who invented wet t-shirt contests probably has no idea that shirts can just be taken off.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".