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If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.