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I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
Iām not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
Money isn`t the key to happiness ... Wait a minute, I`ll just pay to have a key made.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.