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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
They don`t make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
I just broke my record for most days lived.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.