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Sorry I stopped listening to your story when it wasn’t about me
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
I`ve found the most effective way to get an attractive guy to fall for me is by simply using my charm... and then a stun gun.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.