Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
If Violets were Orange, poetry would be a lot more challenging.
There needs to be more “damn it I missed my exit” exits.
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".