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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
Just want to apologize to all the unlucky men that have had to deal with my ex because I dumped her.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets