Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Sunglasses allow you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like facebook in real life.
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.