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Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
My wife just said that I was the worst behaved out of all her children.
I wish there was more BitStrips and photos of giraffes on my Facebook
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.