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Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands.
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.