Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
Zombies only eat brains. You’re safe.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.