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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
wondering if today is a good day to implement my plan...
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
My number was 0...
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I’m thinking about getting her a treadmill.