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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
3 shots of vodka can erase 8 hours of rage in 15 minutes. That’s all the math you really need to know.
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.