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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
You only live once.......Unless someone has a defribrilator
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
My bed and I are in a good relationship, and my alarm clock is so0o jealous...
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.