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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
If the human race has a "signature move," its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.