Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
Velcro is a ripoff
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
The statement `Hey! Calm down!` has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”