Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 10% of battery remaining.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.