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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Beach Rule #17: Never ask anyone under the age of 35 if they`ve seen your shuttlecock
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal