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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?