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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
There`s nothing better than a nap after a good nights sleep.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
I want to be something scary for Halloween so I am going as a positive pregnancy test......
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
I always try to learn from the mistakes of other people..... who have taken my advice
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.