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Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
So much to do and so few alibis.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME is not a good thing to say to your boss.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?