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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
Iām classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
Adulthood ā Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
I went to the doctor for a check up and he says I`m going to live. But I think he`s wrong and it`s just a matter of time.
My friend told me his girlfriend talks a lot in her sleep..Apparently "I know" was not the right answer...
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?