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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.