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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I love how people say they`re "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin.
Who cares about throwing stones? How do people in glass houses hide when somebody knocks on the door?
I just saw a 2 or 3yr old boy wearing a t-shirt that says, "if mom or dad wont buy it I`ll just sms grandma and grandpa"
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
Little known fact: Walt Disney was the inventor of modern day text talk "M - I - C... C u real soon... K - E - Y... Y? Because we like u"