Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.