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What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
The more I drink, the more I realize how much more I still want to drink.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
So I was thinking... since the kids get the Easter bunny, why shouldn`t I expect a visit from a Playboy bunny today?
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.