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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
I use to be addicted to soap, but now I`m clean
Your duty as a friend is to LIKE my Facebook posts even if they suck.
Remember when the world ended last year?
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
My doctor is concerned about my high blood pressure. I told him, next time, don`t leave me sitting in the waiting room for two hours.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
If your parachute doesn`t deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.