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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.