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If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
Yes I am a bad boy ... But your the one that`s going to get spanked.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.