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Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Please don`t hastag out loud...
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
When life gives you melons, wear a low cut top.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....