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Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
My family tree is a cactus, we`re all pricks.