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Don`t believe everything you think.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously it`s a girl because it won`t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!