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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
Hey bill collectors, nice try, but I don`t even call back people I know.
Never make the same mistake twice, There are so many new ones, Try a different one each day.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.