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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
Are you guys sure common sense can`t be beaten into people ? Because I`d like to give it try!
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Dear Fox news,I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”