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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I guess at a job interview "firing you" is not an acceptable answer when asked where I see myself in a few years.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
No one texts faster than a gossiping woman.