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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
Just saw two homeless guys hitting each other with a piece of cardboard................PILLOW FIGHT!!!!!!
Tell a therapist, Not Facebook.
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.