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I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
My newsfeed looks like a cross between a Civil War Soldier and ZZ Top photo album.
FACT: Men are much less likely to divulge a secret than women. Probably because they weren`t really listening to begin with.