Daily Silly Status

When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk

Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.

Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years

Got kicked out of the local casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.

Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.

I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.

I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?

Billion Dollar Idea: An app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.

If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?

I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.

I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.

Retirement plans compared .. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycl

Lazy Rule #23 :No Shower Is Needed, If your Not Going Anywhere...

Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.

I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"