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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
So much to do and so few alibis.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?