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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?