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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! - no one ever
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.