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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
I just made you think of an elephant
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.