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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.