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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my sh!t together by the age I am now.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome