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I just made you think of an elephant
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbors changed their password.
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
I`ve discovered two things today... 1. My cat looks so cute in people clothes. 2. I`m probably going to die alone.
Me: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. Her: You just want to have sex with me. Me: And you’re smart too, I like that.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)