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I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
I`m pretty sure country music singers are all just the same guy wearing different hats.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
How`d this get posted?