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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!