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I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
I’m drinking like there’s snow tomorrow.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially the one that is rolling their eyes at me & talking back right now.