Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
"Well, now I see how you came up with the word `Microsoft`." -Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??